I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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