you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
