So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
40s are totally the cure
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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