Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
