Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
