I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
