He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
