Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
