he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
