we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
