Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
