we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
