were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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