so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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