first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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