My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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