It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
