dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
