i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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