I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
