The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
