That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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