He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
