Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
