Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
