You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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