I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
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One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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