I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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