pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
