Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
