Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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