do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
