He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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