Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
