oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
