shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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