Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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