I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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