you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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