Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize