in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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