Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
