Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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