I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
