After last night, I could never be a politician.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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