hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Randomize
