Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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