I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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