yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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