But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
