FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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