I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
