u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize