Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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