today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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