Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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