And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
