i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
