The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
