He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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