I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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