just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
