is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
